How much does physical chemistry count?

Today I had a fabulous conversation with a coworker of mine. This coworker lived in the States for a while--his English is native and he essentially has an American cultural background. This made it all the more interesting when he shared his recent experience with breaking up with his Thai girlfriend.

My coworker dated a great Thai girl for about two years but decided ultimately that they were culturally divided and that he didn't think there was the necessary chemistry between them. After breaking up, however, he realized that Thai's take dating more seriously than he realized. Americans, my coworker explained, value looks and chemistry in a relationship. If you don't 'feel' it, then you should stop dating someone. The Thai perspective, however, is more practical and doesn't place as much emphasis on the physical attraction in marriage. When my coworker broke up, for instance, most Thais were confused. Couldn't they simply work through their issues? They rarely fought and got along well, wasn't that enough to get married?

My coworker and I brainstormed a couple reasons why Thais are more practical and less focused on physical chemistry in marriage relationships.

First, there isn't much of a dating scene in Thailand. Rather than date to get to know the other person, as is the case in the U.S., Thailand views dating as a serious step that usually leads to marriage. The fact that most people date their first or second boyfriend/girlfriend means that it is much more difficult to meet new people. Perhaps this is why Thais are more willing to make a marriage work despite lack of strong physical attraction: if they break up there is no easy way to meet someone else.

Second, perhaps Hollywood has changed the idea of what makes an ideal relationship. U.S. movies usually glamorize romance, giving the idea that if you are not madly in love with the person you are dating then there is something wrong. In this respect perhaps the Thai culture is more in-line: compatibility and similar goals are probably going to be more important in the long run than initial physical attraction. Granted, I'm not married, so I could be wrong about that one.
This insight into Thai dating is not easy to get. My coworker speaks Thai fluently and thought he understood Thai culture. Only when he broke up, however, did he realize that there was more to the dating than he realized; his girlfriend took the break up a lot harder than he expected.

When you get down to it, however, each person has his or her own dating culture and expectations. Even if sharing the same cultural background, it is important to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your significant other who might have very different ideas of what dating involves.