While having lunch with my Thai coworkers in the outside cafeteria, the topic of language learning came up. “You know how best to learn Thai, right?” said Dtoe, a guy in his mid 20s who works in the same department as me. Having studied Thai for the last two weeks I was intrigued. “What is that?” I asked. With a smile on his face, Dtoe answered, “you need to get a Thai girlfriend! Only by talking to her every day will you learn Thai quickly. She can be just like a long-haired dictionary!” We had a good laugh around the table.
“Getting a girlfriend” is extremely popular for foreigners here in Bangkok. Although it was suggested to me numerous times in Beijing, Thailand seems even more prone to it. On my first day of the job, the supervisor from the States recommended getting a Thai girlfriend. Indeed, if I did start dating a Thai girl I wouldn’t be the first one. In the bookstore the other day I looked for some Thai phrase books. At least half the shelf was dedicated to “how to express your love in Thai.” In fact, there is a whole culture of interracial dating going on. Thailand is known as the location to find a good “Asian” wife. I cannot tell you how many balding, over 50 men with pot bellies I have seen walking around with skinny Thai women in mini-skirts.
From a language learning perspective, however, I really don’t think getting a girlfriend is the most effective way to learn a language. Learning a language well requires hard concentrated effort. Think of what you had to do in your foreign language classes. First, you needed a good teacher is willing to listen to you speak and correct your mistakes. A girlfriend, however, is usually more interested in what you are saying and is too nice to correct every mistake you make. A good language teacher also gives homework assignments so you can learn vocabulary on your own and then practice it in class. While in a dating relationship, however, you are around each other so much that you have much less free time than before, thus making personal study time quite rare.
Don’t misunderstand me. Dating is a lot of fun. I dated a Chinese-speaking girl when I was in Beijing and I don’t regret it at all. I learned a lot from the relationship, gained insights into her traditions and are still good friends. The reason dating was a good idea was because I liked her—not because I solely valued her speaking skills. Even when talking to her every day, I don’t think my language skills increased at the same rate as when I studied Chinese on my own.
The ideal way to learn a language, in my view, is to take lessons and have language exchange partners. Anyone who helps you learn a foreign language eventually gets bored of correcting your mistakes and teaching you new vocabulary. Someone who is trying to learn your foreign language, however, is reminded over and over how difficult language acquisition can be. While a normal person would get annoyed when you ask “what is that called?” for the 20th time in one evening, a language exchange partner is just as eager to learn English and is willing to put up with you.
I credit much of my Chinese ability to conversation exchange partners. I remember being with Lenny Liu in Bejing. We would meet once a week over dinner; we spent about two hours and evenly divide the time between Chinese and English. Both of us were pretty motivated, so we even prepared topics, questions and small speeches to give to each other. For instance, Lenny was preparing for a job interview in English so we spent 20 minutes doing a mock interview over dinner. Meeting with Lenny was fun and very productive. After just two hours we went back home and were able to study for the next week.
To sum up, there are some advantages to dating a native speaker. First, logistics are much easier. Usually you won’t meet with a language partner more than a couple times a week. Setting up times and coordinating with several language partners takes effort. A girlfriend, however, is usually content to spend hours with you without rigorous planning. If you are only dating to have language practice, then you should make it clear. I think some girls can be understanding and very helpful if you are up front. Otherwise, you might be setting some high expectations that will be dashed once she finds out that you spent time with her simply for language practice.
“Getting a girlfriend” is extremely popular for foreigners here in Bangkok. Although it was suggested to me numerous times in Beijing, Thailand seems even more prone to it. On my first day of the job, the supervisor from the States recommended getting a Thai girlfriend. Indeed, if I did start dating a Thai girl I wouldn’t be the first one. In the bookstore the other day I looked for some Thai phrase books. At least half the shelf was dedicated to “how to express your love in Thai.” In fact, there is a whole culture of interracial dating going on. Thailand is known as the location to find a good “Asian” wife. I cannot tell you how many balding, over 50 men with pot bellies I have seen walking around with skinny Thai women in mini-skirts.
From a language learning perspective, however, I really don’t think getting a girlfriend is the most effective way to learn a language. Learning a language well requires hard concentrated effort. Think of what you had to do in your foreign language classes. First, you needed a good teacher is willing to listen to you speak and correct your mistakes. A girlfriend, however, is usually more interested in what you are saying and is too nice to correct every mistake you make. A good language teacher also gives homework assignments so you can learn vocabulary on your own and then practice it in class. While in a dating relationship, however, you are around each other so much that you have much less free time than before, thus making personal study time quite rare.
Don’t misunderstand me. Dating is a lot of fun. I dated a Chinese-speaking girl when I was in Beijing and I don’t regret it at all. I learned a lot from the relationship, gained insights into her traditions and are still good friends. The reason dating was a good idea was because I liked her—not because I solely valued her speaking skills. Even when talking to her every day, I don’t think my language skills increased at the same rate as when I studied Chinese on my own.
The ideal way to learn a language, in my view, is to take lessons and have language exchange partners. Anyone who helps you learn a foreign language eventually gets bored of correcting your mistakes and teaching you new vocabulary. Someone who is trying to learn your foreign language, however, is reminded over and over how difficult language acquisition can be. While a normal person would get annoyed when you ask “what is that called?” for the 20th time in one evening, a language exchange partner is just as eager to learn English and is willing to put up with you.
I credit much of my Chinese ability to conversation exchange partners. I remember being with Lenny Liu in Bejing. We would meet once a week over dinner; we spent about two hours and evenly divide the time between Chinese and English. Both of us were pretty motivated, so we even prepared topics, questions and small speeches to give to each other. For instance, Lenny was preparing for a job interview in English so we spent 20 minutes doing a mock interview over dinner. Meeting with Lenny was fun and very productive. After just two hours we went back home and were able to study for the next week.
To sum up, there are some advantages to dating a native speaker. First, logistics are much easier. Usually you won’t meet with a language partner more than a couple times a week. Setting up times and coordinating with several language partners takes effort. A girlfriend, however, is usually content to spend hours with you without rigorous planning. If you are only dating to have language practice, then you should make it clear. I think some girls can be understanding and very helpful if you are up front. Otherwise, you might be setting some high expectations that will be dashed once she finds out that you spent time with her simply for language practice.
3 comments:
I discovered your blog because I have a Google alert on "Learning Thai" and you used that in today's post. I am the author of Speak Easy Thai, which is software to help people learn Thai vocabulary by using pictures and sounds. You can get it at B2S or Asia Books or www.learn-faster.org/Thai or www.thai-culture-publishing.com.
I have enjoyed reading your blog. It was many years ago when I first visited Thailand, but I was able to live there permanently from Jan 2005 to May 2007. It was a wonderful experience that I hope to repeat.
Keep up your writing. Seeing Thailand again through young eyes is refreshing and very enjoyable.
One of the programs I use can be found at www.its4thai.com
The interface is quite attracted and the first ten lessons are free.
A big plus, it's not boring.
And did I mention attractive?
I also supplement my language learning with a one on one Thai teacher.
And all I have to do for that excellent relationship is pay a weekly, very low fee.
Stephen,
I agree totally on resisting the idea of getting a girlfriend for learning a language. It was recommended to me also while in Beijing and quickly shelved. If I dated, I dated for a myriad of reasons and language was usually not one of them. Also, as you know me, I really had no desire to join the ranks of the overweight and balding for that sole reason.
Continue the blog. I find your views of Thailand to be as always, very interesting.
-Devon
--Devon
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