Thai Parental Pressure

I am starting to appreciate the relative lack of parental pressure in the United States. Yesterday I talked to a Thai coworker while taking a trip out to our factory in Rayong. My coworker, JoJo, told me about the pressure she feels to do well in school and career because of her parents. By all measures Jojo is an accomplished woman. She graduated from the No. 3 university in Thailand, got a master’s degree at the Thai equivalent of Harvard, finished a marketing program in Berkeley, CA, and now is working at a prestigious media consulting company. However, her past—as well as her future—is largely determined by her parents. Although Jojo wanted to go to Berkely directly, she stayed in Thailand to do the Thai graduate program to respect her parent’s wishes. Although there is respect for parents in the States, my experience is that children generally are on their own after they leave high school. Not attending a graduate program just to respect parents’ wishes seems contrary to the American ideal of freedom and personal choice. Even now, as Jojo is set up for a great career in marketing, she still feels pressure from parents: she needs to get a Ph.D. I was surprised. I asked her how a Ph.D. would help with her job. She admitted that the Ph.D. wouldn’t help her career. Simply put, the prestige of having a doctor’s degree would give her the title “doctor” and would make her parents proud.

In Thailand, Jojo explained to me, many Thais get their self esteem from their children’s success. Children don’t simply exist to live their own lives, but to fulfill the dreams of the parents. For instance, Jojo’s parents didn’t have the chance to attend college because of economic hardships. Now that they have enough money to send their children to college, they want Jojo to get a Ph.D. so they can feel more prestigious in their communities. Although both parents have unremarkable jobs, they will have more respect and self-esteem if they can tell their coworkers and boss that their daughter is a ‘doctor’ (has a Ph.D.)

While I am not sure how much this example represents Thai reality since I only have one source, determining your success based on your children is not completely foreign. In the States many parents are proud of their children and give suggestions of what to do well after college. Still, I doubt many American parents would force their children to get a Ph.D. simply to increase parental self esteem. To me, it sounds like Jojo’s parents are being selfish by demanding that children do illogical acts—like get a doctor’s degree that has no career benefit. Perhaps the large American middle class allows Americans to focus less on class differences, thus being less concerned with their children’s academic success. In Thailand, the large disparity between rich and poor might be parents to pressure their children to achieve dreams the parents couldn’t reach themselves. Having a child get higher education might be the Thai way to show that you have riched a higher level in society.