Did someone say get married?

My conversation with my two coworkers these last two days have helped me understand the attitude toward marriage for working, middle/upper class Thais. Yesterday I talked to an attractive Thai lady in our office who has more work experience than everyone excepting our boss. While we had lunch yesterday, I asked if this coworker was feeling pressure to get married since her best friend just got married the weekend before. “I don’t want to get married.” She told me matter-of-factly. “If I ever do get married, it will be because of my parents.” In the ensuing conversation I learned the two reasons that she doesn’t look forward to marriage. First, the wedding ceremony is absolutely ridiculous. Hundreds of people attend, dinner and gifts are provided for all the guests, and many families spend small fortunes just getting married. My coworker doesn’t see the need for such a frivolous event. Second, she mentioned that there are no advantages to being married, especially since Thai husbands are almost never loyal. “Unlike in the States,” she shared, “Thai men can have other girlfriends and sleep around without getting into trouble. In the States, you could get divorced or taken to court, but in Thailand unloyal husbands are very normal. Most men at least have two other girlfriends after they get married. If I don’t get married, at least I can leave the relationship when he goes after someone else."

My other coworker is 29 and has been living with his girlfriend for over a year. I asked him why he would want to get married, and he mentioned that marriage is not needed nowadays. Now that he and his girlfriend are living in the same apartment, they live as if they are married. Neither of them wants kids--they are too much work. The only reason he would consider marriage is if his girlfriend’s parents put on pressure.

From an LDS background, I find my coworkers’ viewpoints very foreign. I have recieved at least 12 wedding invitations for this summer alone. In addition, some of my best memories are with my parents and sisters. How sad that both coworkers would prefer to stay single rather than find a spouse that cares about them or have children. Putting the 'get married soon' dating culture aside, marriage has incredible benefits later on down the road: marriage partners take care of each other in old age, marriage allows you to have children that you can be proud of, and life is simply more enjoyable if you have someone else to enjoy it with. I wonder how seriously my coworkers have considered their futures without a spouse or children.